Self-expression. You say what you want to say in the manner that comes to you naturally. It will be your take on the matter, in the words you normally use, perhaps with the narrative flow of your experience. It’s a solo performance with other people there.

Communication. The listener/audience is foremost in your mind as you speak. Why are they listening? What do they know or need to know? What do they really want out of this? What is their level of sophistication? How can I be of service to them?

Your self-expression can indicate lack of regard for the listener or it can demonstrate that you are struggling to language out new ideas i.e., you are totally involved in translating your thoughts into language. You are not focused on selecting the most effective language for this particular listener. It is a very, very big step between these two modes.

In contrast, communication feels like direct involvement; you are talking personally to them. You speak their language, you speak to their concerns, and you get to the point insofar as it concerns them. You are reading their response even as you speak (thus the importance of eye contact in conversation and public speaking).

If communication sounds like the way you need to go, consider the following suggestions:

Figure out the interest/knowledge level of your listener. If someone asked you for directions to someplace, you would need to know where they are now, wouldn’t you? You need to know where your listener is ‘starting from’ to lead them efficiently from point A to point B. You can play ‘mind-reader’ here or ask a few exploratory questions.

Be willing to talk to everybody. You never know where the important tidbit may come from. Do you routinely greet or chat with your security guard and cleaning lady as well as your peers and superiors? Forget about hierarchy and rank, every human being deserves, appreciates, (and remembers) recognition and courtesy. Your vocabulary and level of language complexity must be suitable for your listener; a summary for your neighbor is going to sound different from a report to your boss, the data dump for your colleague must differ from the chat with the new hire.

Familiarize yourself with your verbal output (i.e., practice/rehearse) instead of subjecting other people to your awkward formulations. Don’t take them into the kitchen when they just want the cake. You’ll get better at this over time.

Get to the point immediately when speaking with decision makers. If they want data or detail, they’ll ask for it. They’ll have only so much attention for you so you must think of economy of presentation. If you can respect their time, they’re likely to respect your mind.

Copyright © 2004 Dr. Carol Fleming. All Rights Reserved.
Permission to reprint with author and website acknowledgement.