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What Do You Say After You've Said - Great View?
By Dr. Carol Fleming

Q: What do you say after you've said, "Great View!"

A: If you are like most people, you feel a certain amount of discomfort in an initial meeting with a new person, and the awkward silences that frequently occur are especially nerve racking. For example: You're on the way down the hall with the person that will interview you for a possible job. When you first shook hands, he had said, "Any trouble finding the place (getting parking?, etc.)." "Oh No", you replied. You're almost to the conference room, walking in silence, you wish you could think of something to say. He finally says: "How about some coffee?" "Sure, great."

Here's the conference room with the impressive table, and the sweeping view of the city. You say, "Great view!" He may fire back with a snappy, "Yeah". Now what? The silence and discomfort is excruciating. You are wishing you knew something to say to dissolve this uncomfortable silence. Let me give you some help!

You have already established a beginning topic, (the view) and you've made a positive statement. This really is just fine as a beginning. You probably think you should have some clever, witty opening. Not at all! Just break the silence with this verbal gesture of goodwill and the sound of your voice. But you must not stop here. (Which is what you usually do.) You need to add some further, personal information to start the process of relationship building.

Let's say you are in town for an interview for a job. You are staying at the Marriott and you happen to see it out the window of the interview room. So you make one of the following comments:

Is that the Marriott? It really looks great in morning light. I like the effect of the fog with the reflections coming off the building. You probably see that all the time!
or
I'm staying there, at the Marriott, for the first time. Have you seen those fountains in the lobby? They're a kind of water sculpture, actually. Very peaceful feeling, even when you're dashing about on business.
or
I hear the locals call 'the jukebox'! I can see why. We don't have anything like that at home in Seattle. We still think our Space Needle is the hottest thing in architecture. Have you seen it?

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In these examples, you have taken the initiative to introduce some new personal comments that invite response. It would now be appropriate for the other person to respond to your opener. You have made this happen by calling attention to something (could be anything, the weather, the table, a picture, etc.) and you have added something more, something personal, that encourages the other person to say something. If this person is at all sociable, he/she'll recognize the friendly intent and will respond to your effort. At this point, you may find yourself ready to leap in and demand, "Yeah, but what if he doesn't?!...." Answer: this cannot be our concern right now. What we really care about is what you do to encourage conversation. Don't sabotage your efforts with 'yeah, but..' projections of failure. Put your energy into overcoming your own verbal paralysis.

Let's say the person responds to your overture in the following way: "No, to tell you the truth, I've never noticed that effect with the fog. It does look kinda neat. I'm usually too occupied to look out the window!" So "fog" doesn't work with this person. Perhaps you can get this person talking about what she/he does there, perhaps not. But, just because they are not particularly helpful doesn't mean you should stop trying, however. You can't win them all.

Let's say you've mentioned the fountains and they respond: "No, I've never noticed the fountains. What are they like?" You will now describe the fountains, but, more importantly, you will be exploring other possibilities of conversational development by giving them free information. For example: You can just sit and watch the water catch the light as it flows down over the rippling surface. It's a subtle effect, very different from those wonderful splashy ones you have at Yerba Buena Park, or the....(here you fill in with some other locale that offers fountains, by way of contrast and that opens other locales as possible conversation topics).

Suppose you've made the jukebox/Seattle reference and they say: "Gosh, it's been years since I've been to Seattle. The Needle - is still standing? I saw it the first year it went up, for the World's Fair, I believe. I was visiting my brother who works for Boeing. We made a big family outing of it. It was a great day!" This is the kind of response you want. The person is going beyond the first topic to offer other possible topics (brother, Boeing, World's Fair) and you can now go on to respond to any one of these possible topics. You need to become as forthcoming yourself to make it easy for other people to talk with you!.

With this abundance of free information, conversational exchange will be made much easier. You're giving the other person more things to talk about, it's that simple. You need to be patient to explore different topics and, for heaven's sake, don't get struck dumb just because your first attempt falls flat. It happens to us all. When it's in your best interests to get the conversation flowing, you need to be tough about persevering.

In a nutshell:

Be willing to reach out, cordially, to the other person
Select a shared neutral topic to begin with
Add 'free information' that will allow the conversation to go somewhere else Respond to their 'free information'
Be patient for topics of interest to develop

Contact us today to discuss how our workshops, coaching and training products can improve your Personal Professionalism and Communication Impact.

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