The Sound of Your Voice | "The Silent Conversation" Article

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The Silent Conversation
By Dr. Carol Fleming

There is a lot about successful and comfortable social conversation that is silent. How you look and move has profound communicative impact that influences the likelihood of people approaching you and feeling comfortable while talking to you. You are probably more concerned with your own sense of comfort, I know. You will be delighted to learn that concern about the comfort of others will do wonders for your comfort as well.

Luckily there is an acronym that summarizes the behaviors you will want to display; this makes it easier for you remember when the social heat is on.

SOFTEN

→ Smile at people. Don’t waste time with stiff-upper-lip stuff. People need to see warmth and welcome.

→ Open posture. Face people, arms at side so the body is more or less ‘open’ (as opposed to being all angles, guarded or turned away).

→ Forward lean. When you are speaking or listening to someone, incline your body in their direction. This is a subtle leaning that communicates listening.

→ Touch. Ask some of your older friends to check out your handshake. People hate bad handshakes! Your hand should be warm and clean and you should try for a full grip so that the web of your thumb connects with the web of their thumb. Handshaking is the same for ladies and gents.

→ Eyes. You will want to make interactive eye contact (see Making ‘I’ Contact p.-) with a conversational partner and avoid looking over their shoulder at other people. You don’t like it when people do it to you, do you? Social conversations tend to be limited in time, so make them count with engaging eye contact.

→ Nod. That little nodding of the head indicates that you are paying attention to what the speaker is saying and will encourage them to continue.

You become approachable to the degree that you soften your nonverbal message.

→ You might start your practice by simply observing people in social conversation. Watch for their posture and movement patterns and notice these signals being sent between people. Your awareness will lead to your becoming more mindful of these behaviors when you converse, out loud and silently.

Contact us today to discuss how our workshops, coaching and training products can improve your Personal Professionalism and Communication Impact.

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