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SMART Small Talk - Part One
By Dr. Carol Fleming

Imagine yourself at sea, just sitting in a small rowboat.. You may be having some pleasant bobbings and splashing. You may hit some unexpected breakers. And you may be pulled into somnolent eddies of dull water where you cannot extricate yourself. You are, as sailors say, in the doldrums.

This is like most small talk, isn’t it? Undirected and unpowered. So subject to the whims of the waters.

In lieu of this free floating small talk, I am offering SMART Small Talk, meaning learning

to turn ‘come-what-may’ into effective business social conversation
by using your head in negotiating social conversation topics.

The difference is

having a destination or a purpose for being there, and
developing the social skills to achieve your purpose

“But is that ‘nice’?!”, you may ask.

Some of you may feel some discomfort here, wondering if it is OK to be strategic. My answer is that it is not only OK, it is necessary. There are some basic contradictions to your socialization that limit you in business social conversation. I doubt very much that you received your social training with any regard to the person you have become. Am I right?

I will address the first contradiction today; because a contradiction recognized can be an obstacle overcome. For you do want to be skilled in business social conversation.

you need to interview for positions,
to meet new business contacts,
you need to expand your network of associations, and

all new relationships begin with small talk.

Here’s your first step for SMART small talk. I will continue with my rowboat analogy:

Have a purpose…or don’t go. This provides you with a sense of direction and gives you the way to make choices: who do I need to talk to?, who do I put up with?, from whom do I extricate myself?. Without this, you are fair game for anybody to just talk your ear off. Purposes are like a destination or a ‘float plan’, a motive force that guides you:

to get your business cards out there
to make new friends
to please your Boss
to find a new job

You have a right to move purposely and make choices accordingly. Focused business conversation is your obligation as a contemporary business person and it is not the same as hanging out or kicking back It is working.

However, your purpose could as well be ‘to please my mother’, ‘to meet my new neighbors’, “to enjoy the thrill of our victory’. That’s fine. Whatever it may be, having a purpose will make you feel more comfortable in a room full of strangers. Have you noticed how much more at ease you are when you volunteer to help at some social gathering? Pouring wine, helping with coats, checking people in, etc. Being part of the action makes you ‘belong’ in an important way. Your personal purpose has the same comforting potential; you know you are on course and not just bouncing around on random waves.

Contact us today to discuss how our workshops, coaching and training products can improve your Personal Professionalism and Communication Impact.

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