The Sound of Your Voice | "Poise & Power" Article

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Speaking Your Mind Effectively
By Dr. Carol Fleming

Do you know the difference between someone who is just talking and someone who is talking to you? Of course you do. It’s a matter of feeling connected, of relationship. Finding and forging a sense of contact in human communication is the first step in successful communication, be it conversation or public speaking.

I ask about his current project. He – the rocket scientist, brain surgeon, computer programmer – launches into an erratic stream of language laced with jargon, interrupted sentences, fragmented thoughts and punctuated with high speed and averted eyes. This man is trying to language out the contents of his mind and all his attention is focused on just that. You feel as if you were sitting in the back seat of a car - blindfolded - as he drives on a mountain road, careening from side to side with mysterious turns and twists. The speaker has relieved himself of whatever popped into his head but you are left mystified, irritated, or feeling stupid. He has expressed himself. (On my scratch pad I draw a stick figure with a popcorn popper as a head; little thought kernels flying every which way.)

What is self-expression? You say what you want to say in the manner that comes to you naturally. It will be your take on the matter, in the words you normally use, perhaps with the narrative flow of your experience. It’s a solo performance in front of people with 100% of your attention on finding and speaking your thoughts.

In communication the listener/audience is foremost in your mind as you speak because you have considered the following questions: Why are they listening? What do they know or need to know? What do they really want out of this? What is their level of sophistication? How can I be of service to them? If this kind of consideration can become a habit with you, your communication skills, public and private, will advance markedly.

Your communication will feel like direct involvement. You speak their language, you speak to their concerns, and you get to the point insofar as it concerns them. You are reading their response even as you speak (thus the importance of eye contact in conversation and public speaking). Most of us are pretty good at this in a one-on-one situation; it’s the group situation that throws us.

If you think you may be high on self-expression and a bit low on communication, here is your own Five Step Program:

Figure out the interest/knowledge level of your listener. If someone asked you for directions to someplace, you would need to know where they are now , wouldn't you? You need to know where your listener is starting from to lead them efficiently from point A to point B. You can play mind-reader here or ask a few initial exploratory questions.

Your vocabulary and level of language complexity must be suitable for your listener. People's worlds are made up of words and not all the same ones. A summary for your neighbor is going to sound different from a report to your boss; the data dump for your colleague must differ from the chat with the new hire. If you insist on using only that language that you share with colleagues or buddies it functions pretty much as a ghetto dialect; you do fine among yourselves but your ‘dialect' excludes others.

If you know you're going to be presenting information, think first. Familiarize yourself with your verbal output (i.e., practice/rehearse) instead of subjecting other people to your awkward formulations. Don't take them into the kitchen when they just want the cake. You'll get better at this over time.

Get to the point immediately when speaking with decision makers. If they want data or detail, they'll ask for it. They'll have only so much attention for you so you must think of economy of presentation. If you can respect their time, they're likely to respect your mind.

Select your small talk thoughtfully in social conversation. Chatting is the timing for safe pleasantries. Don't embark on detailed information, long stories and anything intricate.

These require a follow-up meeting to allow more focused attention.
Social situations are for maximum people contract, not long stories.
You will be interrupted, sure as shooting, just before the punch-line of your story.

If you are willing to invest 50% of your attention in your listener/audience, you'll get a 100% reception.

Contact us today to discuss how our workshops, coaching and training products can improve your Personal Professionalism and Communication Impact.

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